Growing Understandings Phase

 

This phase builds a shared foundation of knowledge, trust, and insight. Use this time to explore perspectives, clarify assumptions, and create alignment.

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1. Create the Space

• Identity a positive, shared conversation goal(s) and define success clearly

• Establish communication guidelines to encourage active listening, thoughtful questioning, and respectful engagement.

• Suspend hierarchies.

 

2. Share Perspectives Without Blame or Judgment

• Share perspectives, say 5 minutes each, with each person speaking as if they were the first speaker i.e. no one responds to what anyone else’s perspective at this stage. Tip: Giving participants three questions to answer individually, in advance, can help participants to structure, focus and prepare their opening thoughts, and keep to time.

• Identify, from the above, core topics of mutual interest. Note: The levels of interest do not need to be balanced, and in fact, seldom are. Tip: No more than five is recommended.

 

3. Explore Issues by Topic

• Ask "what" and "how" questions; avoid "why" questions in the case of conflict as they can unwittingly trigger threat responses.

• Take care not to fall into ‘group think’.

• Shift perspectives (individual, team, organisation, customer) to gain comprehensive insights.

• Pay attention to values, interests, and needs—these are the "gold" that will guide solution development.

• Fully explore past and present contexts before moving to future solutions.

   

Solution Building Phase​

 

This phase encourages participants to jointly build on ideas, problem-solve and envision the future.

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1. Generate Solutions

• Brainstorm extensively; aim for quantity over immediate feasibility.

• Use prompts like, “What else? What if we removed this barrier?”

• Avoid prioritising solutions prematurely.

 

2. Collaboratively Assess Possibilities

• Focus on shared interests rather than rigid positions.

• Strive for collaboration (win-win solutions) over compromise (partial wins).

 

3.Reality Test

• Evaluate options against best-case and worst-case scenarios.

 

4. Reach Agreement

• A clear solution or path forward.

• Defined next steps, with clear accountabilities and time frames.​

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Tips for Addressing Impasse

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• Project into the future: ask, “How important is this likely to be in X years?”

• Reframe interests to support a new way in to looking at the issue.

• Reflect concerns back, e.g., “Your concern is...”

• Use role reversal: Encourage participants to consider perspectives from others’ positions.

• Summarise and pause: Recap discussions, then allow silence for reflection.

• Acknowledge the impasse: State the difficulty openly, then suggest: “What if we were to...”

• Propose contingent agreements: Outline potential paths forward if certain conditions are met.

• Park and return: Move to another agenda item and revisit the impasse later.

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Robyn Hill is an accredited mediator, a facilitator and coach of courageous, challenging or necessary conversation professional learning, and a facilitator of important meetings and conversations. She is also the Director of Courageous Conversations NZ.